Here we go again....

You know how we have good days and bad days? Well I was really excited that I had been having so many good days that I wanted to stop my nurse from coming daily. Just so I could spend quality time with my husband while I was still able to walk and do a little for myself.

Thinks don't always work out the way you want them, at least for me they don't.

Yesterday, I was so weak I was unable to get out of shower chair and had to call for help. Talking about feeling foolish I did. Then after being helped bad to living room to rest on couch, Denver began to fuss at me. Telling me that I shouldn't be up trying to clean and do things. Doesn't he understand, I don't have many good days and I want to do things on my own while i still can.

Then today, I felt weak after waking, so I immediately laid on the couch waiting on others to wake up. I took my medications and poured myself a drink and then fixed a small bowl of cereal for myself. Leaning against the wall, it hit again. I was unable to move. I stood staring into the vent of the air conditioner thinking when is this going to stop. I can't live knowing that with each move I may, I have a spell of pure exhaustion,...looking at couch and bowl of cereal wondering how I was going to sit down. Denver wakes up and ask where I was. Standing up against the wall, I said. He jumped from the bed and came to help me get to where I could lay down.
Once again, he argued that I couldn't be doing things like this by myself. Okay, I took medication, poured a drink and got a bowl of cereal. A child could do that, but me at 57 years old was unable to do it without help.

I'm tired of being so weak. Often I find myself unable to even lift my head. Other times, I feel like its going to be a good day, only to find my legs give out and my butt once again on the floor. I;m not sure if this house is haunted or not because when I turn one way, the wall changes positions and I hit it. Or when I bend over to pick up something, the floor jumps up and hits me in the face.

I realize that this is just the start of all that's going to happen to my body, but I have faith. Faith in God to take this body and restore it for the purpose of doing his will.
Church is tomorrow and I'm all excited about going so I will close this little brief post and continue tomorrow night when everyone has gone to bed and I can write freely.

Please MS, let me sleep tonight and if I wake to go pee, let me pee. Trying to take control of my bladder is getting to me and I'm not going to let you win. If it means putting on briefs and peeing when I can, I will. But you STOP trying to control when I have a bowel movement or pee. I'm sick and tired of you managing my body.

TO BE CONTINUED..........



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